.: Marriage?? :.

In the name of Allah the Most Gracious Most Merciful

There are 3 rights that your children has upon you:

1. To be fathered or mothered by good people

2. To be taught reading the Quran

3. To be married off to a good person

Yesterday I YM along and asked her about her engagemnet party. MasyaAllah... It was simply beautiful! I really wished that I was there to see it but at least, insyaAllah, I could go and see the more important day of her nikah later this December.

And while I was chatting away with along, Asma was also talking with her umi. Later she told me how her umi (mother) was quite concerned with her brother's future wife. Wow~ and weren't there quite a lot! I was ignorant to the fact how future mother-in-laws will weigh up and down their prospective son's wife. And... in a way... the details are hprrifying... huhu~

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet (p.b.u.h) said, "A woman is married for 4 things, i.e, her beauty, her wealth, her family status and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman [otherwise] you will be a loser"

MasyaAllah.. Allah had already taught us how to choose a future spouse. But in our day and age, what criteria has become the benchmark?

1. Her education

- finished studies already? Secondary? diploma? degree? masters? And is it comparable with their son's level of education

2. Her age

- Older..?? can't you find someone younger? Too young?? Are you sure she's not there to rip you of your wealth?

3. Her personal skills

- can she communicate well with others? Can she fit in the family? Can she sew? cook? clean the house? look after children? Everything must be no less than perfect!

4. Her occupation

- Comparable with the son's? what about the wages? Good enough or too good?

5. Her origin

- No Kelantanese... No Negeri Sembilan girls... No Sabahan... No KL girls... No... no... (lucky there's only 14 states in Malaysia) If possible, find someone near home and build your family there

~sigh~ why has the marriage institutions gets this harder and harder to venture..? Yes, there are some very relevant issues being considered but some others are completely ridiculous.

So now we are facing a society who don't want to get married young. Their reasons?

1. 'I am not ready'

People, mark my words, until you have passed the threshold of a married couple, you can never be ready for what awaits you beyond it. Even after getting you first child, you may still not be ready. But being ready is not the problem. The best thing is to try your hardest to be prepared. Just like your exams. It is not until after you answered the first question or after receiving your results that you admit you were ready.

2. 'My calling has not come yet'

What is most glorious than the calling of Allah?

"And of His signs is this: He created for you companions from yourselves that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. In this indeed are signs for people who reflect" [30:21]

SubahanAllah

3. 'I don't have a candidate'

Ladies and gentlemen, finding a spouse is a work.. an Ibadah in itself. Like the earlier hadith, it is a right that you have to fulfil. Yes, your future half has already been set out for you. Already written. But, you cannot expect them to just come flying to you if you don't put the effort to find them. Don't misinterpret this as telling all of you to go out to mingle, socialize and date. No!! There are much more subtle and beautiful ways of knowing a prospective spouse that has been ruled out by Islam. So follow the rules and don't commit mistakes before marriage. Like Bro Ali said in his video, start with a good step.

Brothers and sisters, I was brought up in a society that was reflected above. A society where marriage is more of a hush-hush, only adluts can talk about issue. How adult is adult though? It is when you have already finished your studies, have worked for at least a year, have a car or a house and is stable financially. In this case, I would only get married by the age of 28.

In a way, as Kak Nida' told me, we cannot blame our parents on this. They may set a certain criteria of when to get married, but in reality, your maturity is the main thing that they will consider. They know you more than you know yourself. More than you will admit. And they are just trying to help and see whether you are truly able to enter the married life. It is on our part (the youngsters) to show them that we are, truly, able to do so.

However, parents, if you are reading this, please don't make it so difficult for your children. Thousands and thousands of ringgit for a wedding? Remember, it is a sunnah to invite people to come and know about your child's marriage but going over the board and spending extravagantly, there will be more sins than good being accumulated in the wedding ceremony.

The family institution is the most basic institution in our religion. It is where a child is nurtured and personality being developed. InsyaAllah, if we start a family right, we developed a new generation of Muslims who has their izzah in being a muslim, eventualy, these individulas will form a community, then a society, then a nation... Who knows. By the time our great-great-great grandchildren are born into the world, Islam might be leading the world again.

I am not very well versed in the fiqh of marriage. For more information on Islam and marriage, do visit this site:

http://www.jannah.org/sisters/marriage.html

"O Allah! I seek Your Guidance (in making a choice) by virture of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virture of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty. You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are the Knower of hidden things.

O Allah! If in Your knowledge, (this matter) is good for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then ordain for me, and make it easy for me and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge, (this matter) is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it. And ordain for me the good wherever it be and make me pleased with it"

~Amin~